Beefrox Outbreak in Indiana a "Mystery"

Reports of several cases of Beefrox have been coming from a small town in Indiana today, with even more outbreaks showing up across the state. The latest reports put estimates at 50,000 infected. At this rate half of the country will be Beefroxed in less than a week. Officials have not yet been able to determine the source of the outbreak and, despite efforts to contain the spread of the disease, have so far had no success.

Said one local health official when asked about the severity of the problem: "I have never seen anything like it before. We haven't seen Beefrox since the mid-1800's. The vaccine we have from back then has had no effect on this strain. It's mutated and is now beyond our control. This...this is terrible...God have mercy on our souls..."

The CDC continues work on a new vaccine but has warned it could be months away from being ready. They had no comment on what could have caused this epidemic saying only that: "It is a mystery to everyone. Any attempt to determine the first point of infection at this time would be counter-productive and an effort in futility at best."

A mystery? We think not...